Everything changed that day in the summer of 1972, when 17-year-old Noa Weber met her true love. From that moment, Noa became physically, emotionally and spiritually addicted to this man. Although she was completely conscious of her addiction, she was unable to conquer it. This novel - a painful, illuminating journey into the depths of love - is Noa`s attempt to understand her mysterious obsession, as well as a sober look at contemporary society, questioning such concepts as identity, independence and self-realization.
At seventeen, Noa becomes pregnant by her lover, Alec Ginsburg. But Alec is neither ready nor willing to become a father, although he is ten years her senior. He marries her under the pretext of getting her exempted from military service. Shortly after the birth of their daughter, Hagar, however, he leaves the country. Noa, devastated and completely alone, sinks into a state of semi-consciousness, endangering both herself and her newborn. Only when her family intervenes does she gradually manage to take control of her life.
After a brief stint of working as a waitress, Noa decides to enroll in law school. With the help of her devoted mother and caring neighbor, she completes her studies and begins to work for a civil rights foundation.
The image of Alec hovers over Noa`s every action, decision and gesture - watching her, judging her. Despite his absence from her life, her only thought is to please him and win his approval.
Noa`s absent but ever-present lover occasionally re-enters her life, and she - dependent and bound in ways she cannot understand - submits to his whims, permitting these sporadic interludes and accepting his relationships with other women as well as his three other children.
Thirty years later, now the successful writer of a series of feminist thrillers that focus on social-political issues, Noa has become empowered by the heroine of her novels, Nira Wolf - a strong, independent, prominent lawyer. At 47, she is ready to examine her life, her choices and her obsession with Alec. Perhaps this will enable her to let go and stop defining herself in terms of Alec`s presence, worldview, and - especially -absence, but rather in terms of her own empowered self.